Do I Fit In? Or Do I Stand Out?

I remember sitting on the last bench in the class in school, hoping the teacher wouldn’t call my name. Every time she scanned the room for volunteers, I shrank a little smaller, trying to remain invisible. Blending in always felt safer than standing out. Yet deep down, I wondered, “Was I meant to fit in, or was I meant to stand out?”

That question has followed me for years, quietly shaping how I interact with the world around me.

I grew up as a shy, introverted kid. The voices around me called me “gentle” and “thoughtful”—compliments that quickly morphed into “too quiet” or “not assertive enough”. Over time, I overcame my shyness, opened up and learned to connect with people in more meaningful ways. I adapted, not by changing who I was, but by stretching, slowly and awkwardly, towards connection. Even as I grew into what I now call a “trained ambivert,” part of me still prefers to watch and listen.

My career path from software builder to reluctant leader was far from linear—marked often by self-doubt. For years, I actively avoided management roles and hid behind lines of code. Moving from India to Germany in my mid-20s gave me a rare opportunity to navigate two contrasting worlds: Indian collectivism and German individualism.

As an introverted software engineer, I was often labelled “too nice”, “an easy pushover” and “unfit for senior leadership”—stereotypes many tech builders face when they move into leadership roles that seem to reward a louder presence. When others pushed me to “speak up” or “be decisive”, I replayed conversations in my head, wondering if I had said too little, or perhaps too much.

Those labels affected me deeply, and at times, I felt lost. But through a long journey of self-discovery and unlearning, I eventually found a deeply personal answer to what truly matters in my life.

Continue reading in the book…